Pain
by BelovedShadow
Summary: Sasuke sits pondering over the mess that is his life. Thinking of memories past, and misfortune that is all too present. He lets his thoughts carry him to a world of physical and emotional pain.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Masashi Kishimoto's brilliant Manga or Anime.**

**Warning: Self-Mutilation **

**A/N: This is my first fic of this kind, I'm really interested in hearing what you think, please don't hesitate to review **

**[[even flames are welcomed with open arms.]]**

**xD**

**Enjoy!**

I close my eyes not wanting to see. No. I open them. I have to see, doing this with my eyes closed will only make a bigger mess. No I'll close them, just this once, I'll hide from the pain. No I should leave them open, the pain always promised pleasure in the end, and if I don't look, I could hurt myself more than I want to. Maybe I should stop. No. No regrets. No stopping now. I need the pain. I lust for it. I need to feel _something_. Anything. Pain will do just fine. Pain is better than nothing. I could still feel the pain with my eyes closed though. So I would close them. No, they need to be open; if I see the cause of the pain it will be more painful. That's what I want, right?

I need to stop thinking, let me just do this before it's too late, I don't have much time. How many people did I kill today? Three? Four? Twenty? Who knew? No, no thoughts like that. This was simple; I can figure this one out. There was a mother and a father. That makes two so far. The mother's parents lived with them. Four. They had three children together. Seven. That was the magic number. Seven. I killed seven people today. Four of my elders, who I was supposed to respect. One girl just barely old enough to understand what was happening. And those twins. Those twin babies. I wonder, were the infants really involved with a conspiracy? Could a four-month-old child even spell Hokage? No. Not even if they were of my clan, the most elite of the elite. No four-month-old baby could spell. Not even Ita-. No. I'm not going to think of him now. It's not quite time yet, those thoughts will have to wait a few moments.

What's that number again? Right, seven. So it would be eight cut's today. Eight new scars. I take out my sharpest razor and cut the first thin line into my forearm. It hardly hurts at all, I can see the redness of blood but it's not severe enough to spill. I cut the next one deeper. Now I see the blood, I can feel the pain. The next one deeper still. It goes on like this for a while. It's not new to me. None of it is new, the familiarity of the pain is suffocating. How many times have I sat here and done this? Too many. There, that was seven. Seven for the people I killed.

Now for eighth, this is the hard one. This is the one I dread. Okay, now it's okay to think his name. Itachi. That's his name. Itachi Uchiha. People say he's my brother. I can accept that. He's my brother. Then where is he? Alone. That's where he is, if alone can be called a place. He's just as alone as I am. That's what happens when you kill as much as we do.

I'll do number eight for him. As a punishment to myself for not killing him yet. If I can't spill his blood, I'll spill my own. It's close enough, isn't it? He is my _brother_ after all. If he needed blood I would give him mine. I want his blood, so I'll take my own. This one should be deepest. It's the most important.

Wait, why is this important? Oh, right. If it weren't for him, no, I'm a big boy, I can think his name if I want to. If it weren't for _Itachi_, I wouldn't have to kill. I would be sitting with my mother, listening to her go on and on about the wonderful dinner she had made for me. Maybe I would be with my father, burning the inside of my cheeks, trying to prove that I was worthy of our family name. Or perhaps I would be sleeping peacefully in my bed at the Uchiha Complex. My old bed. It's only a few paces away from where I'm sitting now.

But no. None of this would ever happen, because of Itachi. The Uchiha Complex is now a blood bath filled to the brim with the stench and emotional strain of death. No one was brave enough to move the bodies. The fools think it's haunted. _That's_ a funny notion. It seem's to imply that Itachi cares enough about the family he murdered to haunt our old home.

_I_ knew better. Itachi doesn't care about anything. That is our difference. Killing the family doesn't impress me. I could do that. I might cry all the way through, but it could be done. I could have killed them all. Even Kaa-san. Killing her would be hardest. I would save her for last. My mother hadn't done anything wrong. I would kill everyone then let her kill herself. No, Kaa-san wouldn't have done that. If I was still alive, she wouldn't kill herself. I would have to kill her then. How would I do it? No. These thoughts aren't necessary, I've strayed from my point.

It's not my problem. It's Itachi's; it's him who now lives with the blood of everyone we ever loved on his hands. And not a single person has a chance of spilling his. Not even me. I'm not strong enough. But the same blood flows through my veins, so I'll just stick to doing this everyday. Here I go again. Time for the eighth cut. I cut into my leg. Deep. Deeper than I did yesterday. It's already bleeding but I cut deeper still. I can't go easy on myself, it would be like going easy on _him_.

I'm losing a lot of blood. Maybe too much. Yes, I'm losing too much blood. I could make it to a hospital. But that won't do any good. They'll give me more blood, that will defeat the point. So what if I'm losing too much blood. Maybe I'll die. That would be good. Then he'll be more alone. If my death would hurt him then it would be worth it. And it _would_ hurt him. His last instruction to me was to cling to my life. Maybe I should just stop clinging. No.

I'm not ready to face death, but it's too late now. I've been a fool. I should have gone to the hospital while I still had the strength. Too much blood is missing now. I can't get up. I don't want to watch the blood keep coming. It's like watching myself die, but I'm fascinated. No. That's not acceptable. I should close my eyes. Right, I'll close my eyes. Then I won't have to see it. I won't have to watch. Just this once, just this one last time, I'll close my eyes.

There, they're closed. Now what? It hurts. The pain hurts so pleasantly. I can feel it. I can really feel it. This is so wonderfully real. There I go. Death is coming. It's draining me. I should stop fighting back. I should stop resisting. It's making me imagine things. I'm imagining that I can hear familiar footsteps approaching me. I imagine that they're _his_ footsteps. I'm imagining that he's picking up my broken body and carrying me away. Away from this spot. This spot where he killed everyone. This spot where no one comes anymore. I'm imagining that he's back. This _is_ my imagination right?

"Otouto, open your eyes."

**A/N: So there it is. Now's the part where I tell those of you who aren't as nerdy as me that Otouto mean's little brother and Kaa-san means mom. This is also the part where I bring it to your attention that there is a little yellow speech bubble right below this text with three words in blue written next to it. These magical words are:**

**'Review This Story'**

**I think you should listen to them xD**

**I love all of my beautiful readers... and the ugly ones. **

**Yes, even **_**you,**_** Kisame! **

**-Beloved**


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